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I haven’t posted in here before because it’s not really a typical symptom for me, or I didn’t really think it was anything more than anxiety when it happened, but this week I’m experiencing something that I think might be delusional, maybe, or maybe not, but it’s causing a lot of pain and anxiety and sometimes terror. It involves some intense paranoia around technology and being watched and tracked, and it’s making me crazy. But it was sparked by a couple of specific real things that happened that put those ideas in my head, that I can’t quite get myself to dismiss even though I’m trying hard cognitively. A few days before that started I was paranoid that my brother and his family were all mad at me or hated me.

 I’m wondering, if you have delusions are they usually sparked by something in reality, or are they just spontaneous, or brought on by stress, or what usually brings them on? I’ve been partly able to tell myself it’s in my head and probably not real, but partly not believing that’s true, and not wanting to let my guard down. Are delusions a sign of psychosis? I talk to pdoc in three days, but should I do it sooner? Or is it okay because I still have some insight that possibly it’s MI and not reality? It was really hard to write this because I’m afraid if I convince myself the stuff is not true or write here that it’s not true that that will make it true, but I’m having a hard time thinking it through clearly. 

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I should say also that I both want to talk to Pdoc about it and am afraid to, since I would have to talk to him on my phone and worry someone might be listening on my phone and use what I say against me. Which both sounds crazy to me and yet feels kind of like a real worry.

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Hey Harp. I haven't experienced this in awhile, but for me, I can 100% say it was due to increased anxiety & stress (like increased anxiety / pressure at work) it was all reality based / triggered (not a random, "out of nowhere" delusion). I had severe paranoia my employer was listening to all of my calls, tracking computer usage, monitoring performance, intense fear of being fired...Psychosis is when you have no insight (which you have) and cannot challenge your own thoughts. Psychotics are 100% convinced of delusions that have no basis in reality or events in day to day life. Try to break things down, and think about chain of thoughts, do you have logical evidence or proof?

I would bring it up to pdoc, just to try and knock it out early. With everything going on in the world, these thoughts aren't completely off base. I think they are probably stemming from legitimate fears.

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Posted (edited)

You are distressed right now Harp, grieving, things are going to go off kilt a bit for a while.

I've had delusions sparked by  anxiety and depression. It's a hard thing to say exactly because when I'm like that, well it's kind of a hard mindset to put myself into after the fact, hard to remember. Generally it's about people plotting to kill me, for a while I thought I was dead and in limbo. It's up to you if you say it to pdoc, I think I would, and if you do then be sure to mention it in the context of the other things that are going on in your life, the anxiety around all this pandemic stuff, and your mother passing away. That's definitely relevant.

Lots of people who don't even have any MI get delusions, even hallucinations, at some point in their life, but usually when they are younger, until early 20s. I forget the exact percentage but I remember it was surprisingly high, something like 30% were able to say they'd had something like that happen to them.

Go easy on yourself, ok? Don't let this be an added worry, you aren't losing your mind, you are just going through an especially difficult time.

Edited by Antecedent

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For me there's sometimes an element of reality ... like I got a ticket for something minor and that set off this persistent idea that the police were following me everywhere and planning to arrest me. Stress definitely contributes as well.

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@Unstrung Harp
 

For me messages or voices or “paranoid thinking” (as professionals say and call it) can pop up with any amount of stress for sure. And I know you are greatly and beyond belief stressed out right now harp. I’m sorry to hear that you are having increased symptoms because of this. My psychosis can also happen when I’m in a completely normal period and out of the blue though too. Like juniper said it can be prompted by something simple, like for me a song or a television commercial when husband has the tv on. 

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Posted (edited)

Stress makes psychosis pop up for me. I have been mostly well these past few years but I had a sudden onset of psychosis when we were selling our house because it was such a stressful process and so uncertain. It seemed to just disappear again when the stress let up after we had moved.  

A death of a loved one can trigger psychosis too. I definitely had it after my mom died.  

I think you should contact your doctor. 

Edited by saintalto

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17 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I haven’t posted in here before because it’s not really a typical symptom for me, or I didn’t really think it was anything more than anxiety when it happened, but this week I’m experiencing something that I think might be delusional, maybe, or maybe not, but it’s causing a lot of pain and anxiety and sometimes terror. It involves some intense paranoia around technology and being watched and tracked, and it’s making me crazy. But it was sparked by a couple of specific real things that happened that put those ideas in my head, that I can’t quite get myself to dismiss even though I’m trying hard cognitively. A few days before that started I was paranoid that my brother and his family were all mad at me or hated me.

 I’m wondering, if you have delusions are they usually sparked by something in reality, or are they just spontaneous, or brought on by stress, or what usually brings them on? I’ve been partly able to tell myself it’s in my head and probably not real, but partly not believing that’s true, and not wanting to let my guard down. Are delusions a sign of psychosis? I talk to pdoc in three days, but should I do it sooner? Or is it okay because I still have some insight that possibly it’s MI and not reality? It was really hard to write this because I’m afraid if I convince myself the stuff is not true or write here that it’s not true that that will make it true, but I’m having a hard time thinking it through clearly. 

I just don’t trust any person, thinking they all want to murder me or steal everything from me. I didn’t know that thinking people were mad at you or hated you was paranoia or psychosis or delusions! I feel that way almost all the time and no one has told me this before! That explains a lot I guess! Thanks for posting and sharing. Especially because I know it’s hard to talk about this stuff. I hope you can talk to your pdoc and feel better.

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24 minutes ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I just don’t trust any person, thinking they all want to murder me or steal everything from me. I didn’t know that thinking people were mad at you or hated you was paranoia or psychosis or delusions! I feel that way almost all the time and no one has told me this before! That explains a lot I guess! Thanks for posting and sharing. Especially because I know it’s hard to talk about this stuff. I hope you can talk to your pdoc and feel better.

I don't personally know if what I said about people hating me would count as a delusion, though I've read some things to that effect. I tend to assume that's a social anxiety thing, but because my paranoia about my brother's family happened right before this other thing started, it occurred to me that maybe they were both a kind of paranoia instead of just regular baseline anxiety.

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Thanks everybody. So stress does set it off for most people. I'll talk to Pdoc on Wednesday and try to be honest about what's happening, even though I'm paranoid about the phone. There's other little stuff too like being suspicious of certain meditation leaders on my meditation app, like their meditations aren't completely "safe" and they'll mess with my head.

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I just don’t trust any person, thinking they all want to murder me or steal everything from me. I didn’t know that thinking people were mad at you or hated you was paranoia or psychosis or delusions! I feel that way almost all the time and no one has told me this before! That explains a lot I guess! Thanks for posting and sharing. Especially because I know it’s hard to talk about this stuff. I hope you can talk to your pdoc and feel better.

It’s totally part of psychosis. When I’m psychotic I constantly read people as being mad at me or hating me. It made it hard to be on this board which is why I’ve left so often and come back. When I’m well I don’t feel everyone hates me all the time so I can relax and post. When I’m symptomatic every reply can be construed as someone being mad at me. Text messages on the phone are really triggering too when I’m psychotic because I can’t see the person’s expression so I immediately assume they hate me and don’t want to talk to me ever again. It happens in public too, at stores or theatres. I think the people around me are talking about me and disliking things about me. 

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On 4/27/2020 at 7:40 PM, saintalto said:

It’s totally part of psychosis. When I’m psychotic I constantly read people as being mad at me or hating me. It made it hard to be on this board which is why I’ve left so often and come back. When I’m well I don’t feel everyone hates me all the time so I can relax and post. When I’m symptomatic every reply can be construed as someone being mad at me. Text messages on the phone are really triggering too when I’m psychotic because I can’t see the person’s expression so I immediately assume they hate me and don’t want to talk to me ever again. It happens in public too, at stores or theatres. I think the people around me are talking about me and disliking things about me. 

This totally explains so much to me and my life. Thank you. 

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I talked to Pdoc/Tdoc. He says he wouldn't classify my thoughts as delusional because I've been able to reality test them. He seems to just consider them bad anxiety.

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45 minutes ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I talked to Pdoc/Tdoc. He says he wouldn't classify my thoughts as delusional because I've been able to reality test them. He seems to just consider them bad anxiety.

OK. Well for me, I am able to reality test until I'm not anymore and it starts affecting my behavior. So I see those kind of thoughts as being a precursor to delusional thinking and try to catch them while I can still reality test.

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Posted (edited)
39 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

OK. Well for me, I am able to reality test until I'm not anymore and it starts affecting my behavior. So I see those kind of thoughts as being a precursor to delusional thinking and try to catch them while I can still reality test.

that makes sense. I guess he was talking to me by the time I had been reality testing for a few days, so he was tuning into that aspect of things. I did mention that I was anxious being in the car talking on the phone (I do therapy in the car on the phone now), because I was worried that my husband had bugged the car, even though I knew husband wouldn't do that, wouldn't know how to do it, and there wouldn't be anything for him to hear, or that someone has taken over my cell phone and is listening in. I've also had some ideas about broadcasting my thoughts. These are not typical thought patterns for me, generally speaking, and I've never been diagnosed with psychosis, so I guess that's part of why he wasn't overly concerned. He did encourage me to call him before next week if I need to, so if I find myself really sinking into that again I will. I still feel squirrelly, but we'll see how it goes.

Edited by Unstrung Harp

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Your experience of this sounds similar to mine. I have a lot of insight, and my quasi-delusional thinking went on for months and got worse before my pdoc decided to diagnose me with psychotic features. And she still doesn't worry about paranoid thoughts unless I'm losing insight. Anyway, it sounds like you have a good plan in place.

2 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I did mention that I was anxious being in the car talking on the phone (I do therapy in the car on the phone now), because I was worried that my husband had bugged the car, even though I knew husband wouldn't do that, wouldn't know how to do it, and there wouldn't be anything for him to hear, or that someone has taken over my cell phone and is listening in. I've also had some ideas about broadcasting my thoughts. 

 

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6 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I talked to Pdoc/Tdoc. He says he wouldn't classify my thoughts as delusional because I've been able to reality test them. He seems to just consider them bad anxiety.

I’m glad you got to talk to your pdoc and tdoc harp and got some good answers. I hope you feel better ASAP. ❤️

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1 hour ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I’m glad you got to talk to your pdoc and tdoc harp and got some good answers. I hope you feel better ASAP. ❤️

Thanks, Cheese.

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I suffer similar delusions about being watched. Hidden cameras. This delusion doesn’t seem to be triggered by anything in reality for me but some others I have are triggered sometimes by seeing hidden messages in music mostly, also art, tv, news, movies, books etc 

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Posted (edited)
On 6/19/2020 at 6:41 PM, mcjimjam said:

I suffer similar delusions about being watched. Hidden cameras. This delusion doesn’t seem to be triggered by anything in reality for me but some others I have are triggered sometimes by seeing hidden messages in music mostly, also art, tv, news, movies, books etc 

Thanks for weighing in. I have noticed that while initially very specific things that happened triggered these delusions for me in April, the kinds of things you mention can also set them off for me out of the blue as well. I haven’t really broached this with pdoc because I kind of don’t have the language to talk about it, and am mostly able to talk myself out of the thoughts to some degree.

Edited by Unstrung Harp

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