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Do you dread therapy? Should I just stop?


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Just bailed on my teletherapy with a new therapist.... I'm trying this online therapy site (due to quarantine) and I really want to quit. Every week I dread the call and feel like it's not helping me. I don't feel upset, I just feel avoidant, bugged, apathetic, like I'm not "in the mood" to talk at all.... Yet I know it's "good for me" and I'm stuck. Feeling guilty...

The initial therapist I had (6 sessions with) said she is making a "career transition" and is suddenly no longer be available. She was nice & whatever, but really too green,( I was about to switch anyway). They assigned me to another person  and I don't really connect with her profile (haven't talked to her yet) I just feel so much resistance right now....

Maybe I'm not committed enough at the moment. I don't know what's going on...?

Edited by Blahblah
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I really hate therapy.  I usually dislike my therapists.  If I make any progress, it feels tiny and slow.  Someone says that I do better when I'm in therapy, so I try to stay in it.  I really hate talking to a stranger about my feelings when I know they are evaluating everything I say, do, and how I appear.  I guess I know how you feel, but I feel like I get some benefits from being forced to actually engage with someone else for 50 minutes, if nothing else.

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I particularly hate this teletherapy (never tried online therapy) and starting over with someone new. It feels so artificial or something. We don't do video calls, so at least she doesn't see me unshowered in my pj's. I much prefer in person. But right now, I've been feeling this resistance, like it's all drudgery, or pointless. But this is part of my problem at moment, i have absolutely no interest or motivation to do ANYTHING. Part of me hopes that my next therapist could really help me with this, getting back into a structured routine at least!

I do better once the person knows me awhile. It's so annoying having to start over & tell the same stories/background over & over again. Only to find that you don't really "gel" with the person, you know? I have high expectations also, after seeing different therapists for 2 decades.....I'm always thinking "tell me something i don't know"

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I honestly think that one of the toughest things with MI is finding a doctor/therapist that “gels” as you said. It can be such hard work and a major part of it is luck. In the time after I started having acute symptoms, I saw 4 pdocs in basically the span of four years. As you can imagine and probably already know, it was super turbulent... and I think it lead to just as much harm as it did good for several stretches. Tdocs can be even worse because it’s often more interaction. I got really lucky there, as the therapist I saw at the college clinic left for private practice right as I was finishing up school, so I got to just stick with her. She’s pretty informal, and I guess that goes to how wide personal preference is ... people wanting structure might hate her, but I really prefer someone who can carry a genuine conversation without trying to pry my emotions out of me.

anywayyy- that went off course, but my point is I feel your pain regarding not finding someone good

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I’ve been in therapy with probably 10 different therapists for the past 17 years. I don’t know what it’s done for me. I’ve always been good at finding ways to cope with my problems on my own. Some of my coping strategies might be not so helpful long term but most work out for me. I have trouble getting a therapy appointment to last more than 30 minutes because I’m never sure what to talk about. I joined a trauma group and I’m having the same issue. I don’t know what to say to them. I do this all because it’s supposedly a big part of treatment and I like to be responsible when it comes to treatment. I find that meds and my own creativity are what get me by more than anything. Sometimes my current therapist can catch onto a psychosis symptom before I do though, which can be helpful. She’s the first therapist I’ve had that has a lot of experience dealing with psychotic disorders. I think that might come in handy if I relapse.  

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I'm seriously about to quit the online/ teletherapy. I'm only really doing it temporarily during this confinement and until I can find a better therapist nearby.

I honestly can only think of 1 therapist that really "got" me and made me feel better, with more self-compassion after leaving the session. I can't recall the last time someone helped me come to any new insight or perspective. Often, I would just go in and blab rather aimlessly and feel like it was going nowhere. I mean, I guess it's better than having no one to talk to? I have no friends to talk to about serious stuff, my spouse has no empathy or understanding of MI.

I wish I knew what else I could do. Meds help, but for me, it's only a small slice of the bigger issues.

Edited by Blahblah
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